Miss

If only work had ended on time. If only we didn't replace the blinds with the lovely rose curtain she spent a day picking out. If only replacement batteries could be purchased in the daily commute. If only her heavy sleeping habits had changed. If only it were winter instead of a humid summer day. If only the summer heat could always be cooled by her hands. If only anniversaries weren't celebrated. If only we hadn't met through a book she dropped. If only the wind had decided to retire for the day. If only her cooking wasn't on par with the favorite restaurant down the block. If only the workplace were closer. If only we had invested in an electric stove. If only I had ignored my coworker's cry to hold the elevator. If only she didn't rest her eyes for that moment. If only she didn't give her wave every morning before I drove off. If only I came home first. If only smoke inhalation didn't kill. If only she didn't love me. If only I didn't love her so much.

I think that mandatory gratuity is the stupidest shit in the world. Oh and let's look up the definition of gratuity while we're at it:

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gratuity

Entry says: something given voluntarily or beyond obligation usually for some service.

Yet some restaurants have a required % charge of tip that you need to give. What happened to tip being extra incentive that the waiter/waitress gives you better service? Also, another question is, why isn't it customary for you to tip the chefs that are actually making your food? I really hate how restaurants pay the waiter/waitress's less and expect the customer to be the one paying part of their salary here. I also understand that not everyone tips to the extent that the service of the waiter/waitress should merit, but that is the reason why the restaurant shouldn't be undermining their pay in the first place. I mean does a university cut a professor's salary and ask you to tip the professor otherwise he won't get proper pay? Does an accounting firm dock their accountant's pay and tell you to tip the accountants for handling your taxes properly and on time? No you would get a professor a gift or something if you appreciate their course or you would treat the accountant to coffee/food etc for completing their tasks efficiently or whatever.

Yet restaurants seem to deem it necessary to shift the burden of salary to the customer.

We really do leave too many things to fate and chance. It determines the setting you are born in, it determines the parents you have, it determines your race, your childhood upbringing, the people you encounter, whether you run into accidents/mishaps in life or jackpots/rewards, so many things are out of your own control. You can't control another person, you can't control the weather, you can't control so many things. But for the things you can control, it is so important that you do what you can. Your upbringing describes a part of you, but you define the rest. The people you meet are lucky circumstances, time and place, you dictate whether you want to continue to associate with them. You control the opportunities which you can expand or shrink. Accidents/mishaps/jackpots/rewards in life can occur, but your role after such an event that you could not control, could not predict, is what you want to do about it, whether it be putting it aside, or always damning it.

And movies like to say "Leave it to fate and chance". Fate and chance already allowed you to meet most of the people you know. Of all the people living in the world, fate and chance gave you this. Fate and chance gave you a part of the person you are right now. Fate and chance gave you many situations in life. I don't think you want any more from fate and chance.

Love isnt something inside of you but whenever you think, whenever you remember someone, when both sides care for another, that's when love is born. If you were the only one alive in the whole world, love wouldn't exist now would it? Love is a shared trait, love isn't just given to one person, it is shared between the two. Love that isn't shared, is called one sided love and isn't love. That is called pursuit, giving what you can and hoping to receive scraps from this master that you worship.

Pursuit is where one person is attempting to generate love between the two, whereas the other person is simply taking advantage of the situation. One person is aiming for their own personal selfish gains whereas the other is aiding their selfish gains without realizing that it isn't love and that this kind of one sided love will get nowhere and will never turn to real love unless the selfish person finally realizes that he/she is being selfish and develops love to consider their partner's feelings, goals and aspirations rather than only focus on their own. Neither partner should be neglecting their partner's aspirations, feelings and goals, and shouldn't see their partner as a tool there to aid loneliness and to fill in the gaps where intimacy would feel a lot better than being "alone" in the world.

Love is turning two into one essentially, to an extent. Love is blending a triangle and a circle together, rather than simply placing them side by side or one inside of another. Despite the fact that two individuals do not share the same body, ideas, thoughts, goals and aspirations, each will chip off a bit of their own selfish goals and merge their goals and aspirations to somewhere that is fitting between the two. That is the true difficulty of love. There is nothing wrong with having selfish goals, because if we didn't have our own goals, where would we be in life? The problem lies in where is the balance of managing your own selfish goals and your partner's selfish goals? What if the blend of the shapes of triangle and circle looks more like a circle or looks more like a triangle? Thus it is difficult to achieve some form of perfect mix between the two people.

Love isn't perfect when it first begins, and it isn't perfect when it ends with the death of the two that it began with, but ideally should be constant work in progress on behalf of the two that the love was generated between. Nobody masters a skill in a short period of time and nobody ever achieves "perfect" mastery, just like nobody can ever acquire "perfect love" but its something you constantly strive to become better at.

As a result, love can hurt. Anyone who wishes they had no emotions is an idiot, because you cannot live a meaningful and fulfilling life without conflict or emotions. Conflict and emotions is what brings the joy in life, the fulfillment, the shit that makes you sad is the shit that makes you appreciate being happy. You appreciate the ups in life only because the downs exist. You cannot compare something without having the opposite of it to compare it to. How can you say how bright something is, if there was weren't more shades of brightness? How can you claim that someone is tall, if everything was the same size?

Happy to take the shit in life and to be happy and appreciative of what I got. Are you?

Edit: Just read this article hahaha: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/7784366.stm